So today is my half birthday! And no I’m not one of those people who celebrates it nor am I one of those people that need birthday month or week. I just need one epic day of memories! I’m writing this post to reflect on what my expectations were for 30 and how I found my bliss.
My goals for turning 30 were very superficial and unrealistic. They were based off the idea of how I wanted others to see me. I wanted to be my perfect weight with the perfect body. I wanted to be my ideal trophy wife… Blonde, fit body, successful career, dream house and well traveled. Yup, I wanted everyone to love me and be jealous of what I had. How shallow and sad is that?
When I turned 28, I thought I had it all. It was my golden birthday, I was training for a fitness competition and was building my “perfect” body. I thought I had “awesome” friends (that is a whole other blog). I was building a great career, explored the Caribbean and was happy. But little did I know it was happiness based off the wrong things. After my competition, my life fell into its dark era. I gained 25 pounds, became crazy depressed, and has been burned by some friends. This was not how I wanted to enter my 30’s.
29 was my rebuilding year. I found a great therapist, discarded the negative people in my life and started to be the REAL me! I discovered what was important to me and how to balance out my life. I was excited to turn 30. People take you seriously when you hit 30, life gets even better when you turn 30. I want to be genuinely happy when I turn 30! To ensure that turning 30 was memorable, I planned a party with my friends and booked a 2 week cruise for Ryan and I. Everything was going to plan! My party was a success, I had our trip planned to a “T” and was confident in my body. The week of my birthday, I was so greatful for how supported I was by clients and friends and how “blessed” I was. Now I HATE that word “blessed”, that # is over rated and annoys the crap out of me. But in my head I felt that way (no way in hell that was going to be said out loud).
Jan 28 2015: The best start to being 30, quickly turned into one of the worst days of my life. My adorable little girl, Pancakes, had to be put to sleep that night due to an unexplainable reason since her back legs were paralyzed. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. (My cats are my fur babies and my life). I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t want to go to work, I felt numb, helpless and angry. She was just a little kitty, it was my job to protect her. The next 4 days were a blur and then we landed in paradise. I was so happy I could turn my brain off, grieve with Ryan and make happy memories.
So far 30 was filled with sadness and joy. No perfection here and that perfect. But in all honesty, reflecting on how it has gone so far, I am very lucky and have worked hard for the experiences I have had. They weren’t any better or worse because I didn’t have my perfect body and I could care less about people’s judgements and opinions. I took advantage of every opportunity that came into my path. I have found balance and happiness. In the book 30 Things Every Woman Should Know and Have By 30, the editors of GLAMOUR had a very meaningful quote that has stuck with me: