Self Sabotage

Sabotage: the act of deliberately damaging, destroying or obstructing something.
This is a hard one to write, because I’m openly admitting a fault, and it’s harder to post because now you all know my secret.

It’s funny, I don’t sabatoge myself on everything, it’s just a few things. When I was younger, I was a competitive swimmer and always did stupid things so that if I didn’t place well, I had excuses. I acted like I didn’t care or said I didn’t care. The more I said it, the more I convinced myself. This was all to protect myself from disappointment. I had excuses to suck, so then I didn’t have to feel so bad. I look back on this and want to kick my 15 yr old self, I could have had more accomplishments and had more confidence in my swimming abilities. But there is nothing I can do about it now, but learn for my future and pass this advice to others.

I also sabotaged my health/goals for my fitness. Its almost a sickness. When I did my bikini competition in 2013, I followed my lifting and cardio plan, followed my macros to perfection EXCEPT I would sneak chocolate covered acai berries. I stashed those things like a squirrel and would straight binge. Now I had an excuse if I didn’t place well. I was still very proud of how I placed (5th out of 7 ), because honestly I just wanted the experience, but reflecting back I want to smack myself for not giving it my all.

Unfortunately I still sabotage my “body” goals and its purely emotionally based. I think eating naughty food will make me happy, but it only makes me happy for a moment. When I stick to my plan, stay driven and don’t fall to my old habits, my happiness lasts so much longer and there isn’t any regret! I highly recommend ready the book Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I keep re-reading this book because she also struggled with self-sabotage and emotional eating. I need to re-set my thinking and re-train my mind into knowing whats good for me and what gives me balance.

What’s so funny is that in other parts of my life I totally kick butt and accomplish and crush goals. Why is it that I can be a rockstar in my business, but not in certain personal goals? In my yoga practice last week, my teacher spoke of one’s own possibilities and not getting in your own way. I know that I set goals or there is something I want so badly, but I can’t picture it so I paralyze myself. Self doubt can be one of the scariest things. We all have enough haters, obstacles and negativity surrounding us, the last thing we need is to get into our own heads and find excuses. I think sometimes we set goals with low expectations to escape failure and defeat. But what if we knew for certain that we would get there? Would we set the bar higher?

What is in your way of reaching your goals, finding your full potential and creating your amazing life? I find that it’s easier to reach my goals by taking baby steps. Its crazy how much we can celebrate the little accomplishments. Who said everything needs to be big, great and huge? My take away is to think small and have faith. Know that I can accomplish ANYTHING!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s