So I have mentioned my “dark age” in my 30 1/2 blog and I’m still not going to get too deep into that, but this blog is about how I found the most amazing lady who helped me throw out the bulls#*t people in my life and uncover what my personal insecurities were.
I was referred to Judy by a good friend who’s life was changing in front of my eyes. She had such a postive outlook, had growing self esteem and was comfortable in the life she was living. At this time in my life, I wanted to leave my job, move far away from the a$$holes, I was grasping for any way to drop some lbs and my marriage was on the rocks because I was so unhappy. If I could have, I would have quit my job, move to San Diego and drain my savings for full body lipo. Then I would be happy?! Ha!
But a therapist, aren’t those for the extremely crazy?! Yeah, no! We all need a therapist in our lives. We all need someone to listen to us and even better, we need someone to be the voice of reason.
The first few months of meeting with Judy were rough. I didn’t want to admit my faults, I wanted her to tell me to run and I thought she had a magic wand to make things perfect. I just wanted her to wave that wand and POOF, everything would be better. Sadly, she fell short of my fairy godmother expectation, and DUH thats not how it works. I didn’t want to put in the time. It was work. It was my responsibility to change how reacted to what was happening around me. If I couldn’t change my environment, I had to change how I saw that environment. We met every 2 weeks and I had lots of homework to do.
We had 2 major things we were focusing on; the break-up/bully friend/coworker and finding balance in loving my body and having self esteem. She went about things in a compassionate way, she was very black and white but still was gentle. I know for a fact, I can’t have a sugar coated therapist. I was raised with life being sugar coated and it will get you nowhere. She allowed me to cry, word vomit, question and throw a few F bombs. She even knew when I was holding back. I would say something with confidence, hoping to disguise the truth, and she just gave me a look…BUSTED!
After about 6 months of ah-ha moments and tough love, I started to realize how I wanted my life to be. Its not perfect and I struggle with the balance of IF, AND, OR. It’s much more difficult to control these things around certain people. But Judy has taught me how to re-think situations and not get sucked into the drama and negative, dishonest people around me. I learned to feel sorry and show compassion for the manipulative b’s that I thought were my friends.
Life is a roller coaster and so I’m at a time in my life again when I need her. She is the un judgemental hand to help you out of the dark. I’m not ashamed to admit I get depressed, eat my emotions and cry. I’m human. My life is no where near glitter and rainbows, but I have an amazing family, loving partner, super fun career and I have my health. I am grateful for what I have but sometimes you need someone to remind you and talk through the chaos.